#or i will say something i was thinking about and people will get all cynic on me or something
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I've been thinking about this song a lot again since yesterday, and if you'll indulge me in being overly wordy and a bit sentimental, I kinda wanna share some of my thoughts here:
so I alluded to this a bit while rambling on bluesky earlier, but early in the process of composing this song I REALLY wanted it to have lyrics. I tried writing some, and having looked at them again this morning, frankly they're kinda garbage and I stand by my decision to scrap them and let the music just speak for itself. but I only really wanted to write lyrics in the first place because I got ONE specific line (and subsequently a chorus, or at least one version of it) stuck in my head and wanted the rest of the song to kinda revolve around it.
the scrapped verses were sorta loosely about how, when you're younger, you tend to have a very straightforward and simple sense of optimism and justice - kids generally believe that things WILL just work out somehow, and often have surprisingly obvious and on-point responses when they learn about societal issues, but adults will often talk down to them and tell them they just don't understand how the real world works yet. and as you get older, that optimism gets conflated heavily with childlike naivety and kinda gets metaphorically beaten out of a lot of people over time, until they're just kinda consigned to the status quo and thinking of societal problems being too large/permanent for them to fix or influence.
this song was meant to embody a sense of rebellious optimism - a stubborn belief that we have a say in the kind of world we live in, and furthermore that our inner child would never forgive us for shrugging and giving up now that we're finally Adults and Adults are supposed to be the ones with the power to actually Fix Things. it was meant to evoke some nostalgia too, sure - thus the title "Grass Stains", which came from the scrapped first verse about childhood, and also just the general musical style being reminiscent of pop punk music I really liked as a kid and still tend to associate with summertime and old video games from that era. but more than that, I wanted to convey the idea that, sooner or later, we have to stop waiting for the Adults to decide how to fix things and get a hand on the ball ourselves; the idea that growing up should empower us, not make us cynical and detached and too tired to care anymore.
anyways, I will spare you most of the unfinished lyrics because I really do promise they're not interesting or good at all, but here's the chorus part and the specific last line that I was really fixated on back then and (for reasons that are probably not hard to imagine) thinking a lot about again now:
you keep pacing
so sullenly facing
away from the task left to you
why can't you see it?
if you want hope, then be it
those gears aren't just going to move
you gotta change the world, before it changes you
so yeah. shit's rough out there right now. shit's been rough for a while and it's gonna continue being rough for the foreseeable future. like I mentioned in the original caption, i wrote this song when I was feeling pretty awful (both mentally and physically, actually - I'm pretty sure I had covid for the second time when I made this lol) and needed something to perk up my mood, and it... kinda worked honestly? and now when I listen to it again I still kinda get a boost from it, especially if I let myself think back to the original message I was trying to imbue it with. it's hard for me to feel totally hopeless or unmotivated while I'm listening to it, and I hope that energy sorta comes through for other people too (though I would obviously be just as happy that people like the music I made anyways, without deeper context or ideas attached to it).
I guess i just wanna say this: remember that the world's gonna change one way or another, but your contributions to it are never meaningless, and their absence would be felt. and you also have the power to embolden and support those around you to become a stronger force for good together. the only real way to fail in all of this is to give up and lay down and let whatever happens wash over you, to believe them when they treat you like you're too small to be a threat or a challenge. and even if you don't believe your efforts matter to anyone else, let them matter to you. if you want hope, then be it. strive to be a force for good in spite of all opposition, and that goodness will in turn continue to propel you forwards.
ok I think that's about as sappy I can stand to be, I'm going to bed lol
hey i finished a new song!! check it out!!
my prompt for starting this was essentially "i'm in a bad mood and i want to make music that'll fix that". apparently what that translated to was whatever genre "music that would make 9-year-old me think they could do a backflip off the swings at the park" is, but like... it DID cheer me up? so, mission accomplished? i hope you enjoy it too!
♫ made with OpenMPT! ✎ cover art by me!
#look at it again#buny text#feeling very self conscious about posting this addition honestly but it was literally preventing me from falling asleep til i got it out#it's past my bedtime so i am going to go ahead and use that as my excuse if this turns out to be corny and insufferable
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Hi just had a question as an aspiring author. How do you stay motivated to write even if you don’t get many sales? I would never stop writing but I would probably lose my ability to complete books if I thought no one would read them.
It was definitely tough after my debut novel released after 7 months of effort and two different influencer scams cost me my entire author Instagram account, and a frustrating experience on TikTok. I’d been putting all my effort onto this platform for marketing and building an audience because Tumblr doesn’t require graphics and videos that I hate making. And, it doesn’t have an algorithm, if you have a following, it’s because you worked hard for one, as opposed to chasing clout, for the most part.
But having as many lurkers as I do (hi everyone) and realizing that a) the advice I give for free isn’t as appreciated as I thought it was and b) 1000+ followers doesn’t mean a damn because 90% of my sales were family and family friends (not my friends tho, my friends don’t read or care about what I’m working on)… it was hard. I got pretty cynical. I didn’t ever give up on writing, but I did almost give up on telling people about it.
I’m not good at nagging people to keep to their commitments and if somebody tells me they’re going to do something… let’s just say I’ve grown up learning not quickly enough that “Yeah sure absolutely!” is a polite way of saying “I’m not going to ever do this but I’m not going to tell you that” if doing the thing doesn’t happen immediately.
I did, however, stop writing my fanfics, which don’t give me monetary profit, but they do (or did) give me engagement, and I wasn’t getting that, so I stopped caring and it stopped being fun.
As for my writing, after 9 years of doing it quietly for myself, it wasn’t that hard to get back into the “write for yourself” mindset, but it was hard not doing so through a cynical lens.
And I’m still there, ngl. My debut novel is the first of four in a series, and if nobody read the first one, it’ll be impossible to get anyone to read the second one if doing so requires 111k words of homework. Traditionally published authors face diminishing returns just like this.
But I’m still writing, because I want to know how the story ends, and if I’m doing so somewhat out of spite, then so be it.
My new novella is very short, and cheaper. It might take somebody 2 hours to read in one sitting. If that doesn’t get sales… I’m not sure. Giving advice like “don’t make other people’s decisions for them” in preemptively not sharing your work because you assume they won’t like it is great in theory, but difficult in practice.
I write because I want to give people the heroes that I didn’t have. I want to give people characters that no one else is writing, so they can go “look, it’s me, I am seen” and know that they’re not alone.
So the best I can say is, I think, what I’ve said before and which I’m coopting from elsewhere:
“It’s okay if you only ever save one person in this life, and it’s okay if that person is yourself.”
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Aoki Intimacy Levels 🌀
I’m so behind on this so since we’re all doing it I’m throwing my hat in for my stinkyass child! Note that Aoki is inherently a very paranoid and cynical character at times so some of his thoughts might reflect that cute little quirk. I totally made up some context for characters he hasn’t really interacted with so enjoy
Airin (@apriciticreveries): 90%
We don’t really even… talk about things when we’re together. But I’m comfortable in our silence. I feel as if I understand you on some level. I hope I do. I imagine if I’d ever had a little sibling… well. I think it’d be like you in a way. If humans are really made of stars like they say, I think we must have come from the same one.
Andri (@alien-til-i-stage): 5%
You’re not them and you never will be. I wish you didn’t exist. I hate you. I hate—that you don’t.
Akane (@aakaneeee): 40%
You’re kind, and approachable. We don’t have a deep relationship or anything but I think you’re pretty cool. Sometimes I feel a bit intimidated by you. I don’t think you’re trying to harm me, though, which is a nice bonus!
August (@junebluues): 45%
You remind me of me in many ways, which is why I find you a bit unsettling. Anakt Garden really hasn’t been good for either of us, huh? Also you kind of seem a little cult leader-ish I don’t really know what to do with that
Daian (@apple8ees): 94%
I didn’t really understand why you bothered with me at first - I mean, you and Kay are close, but I didn’t know you actually liked me as an individual and not just an extension of him. It was… eye-opening. I think I really love you. I wish I didn’t. It means I have stake in your—continued survival. I don’t want to have a stake in anyone anymore. It’s too hard.
E (same as Daian): 50%
I still love this shadow of you and you’re gone and I don’t want to
Ish (@chevalperd): 82%
I used to think you were so unburdened. You seem unburdened. Act unburdened. But I don’t think you are at all. I think you’re just good at hiding it. Good thing I’m good at seeing through bullshit. I just wish I could pinpoint the particular type of bullshit we’re dealing with whenever you close yourself off. Guess I’ll just have to look harder.
Kay (@rockwgooglyeyes): 96%
Why can’t I figure this out? I see your apathy since it happened and my instinct is to fix it. Life is so much simpler when you’re fixing things. You tell me it’s illogical to seek to fix human beings but then, I’ve never been logical like you. Am I trying to do to you what they did to you? I probably can’t help but keep trying. I just want you to be happy.
Kel (@sotogalmo): 30%
You keep to yourself, mostly. I don’t particularly have a problem with it - we all take care of ourselves. But it makes me itch. Like I’m doing something wrong and I don’t even know what. Or you are and I feel like I’m on the receiving end. Both?
Mercury: 70%
We have many things - and people - in common. Getting along with you is a little easier than it is with others. I don’t feel I have to make any grand gestures to get through to you. …Nad sure does seem to hate that we’re friends though, heheh.
Nadohan (same as Andri): 94%
You’re brash, impulsive, cutting, you present an arrogant front - worst than all of it combined, you’re an Anakt Garden darling. Couldn’t you be doing more for us? Even for yourself? Don’t you even want to save you? Do you know something I don’t? Either way, you’re impossible to decode. You’re not the best companion I could ask for, that’s for sure. But you’re the one that’s mine.
Para (@shakingparadigm): 40%
Is this how August feels, being the youngest of us, wondering how they fit into the picture? You’re so kind and interesting - but I don’t know what to say! I’m not even certain I want to say anything. There’s a comfort in friendly feelings from afar. Makes things less complex.
Plip (@awaggaa): 80%
Like Nadohan, I’m vexed by your proximity to the aliens. No wonder the two of you are such a pair. Are you gay That aside, I find you to be a charming person at heart, with knowledge and wit that pushes me to compete. It brings a spark of light into my life, that race.
Star (@starry-skiez): 85%
You’re very sweet. More tactile than a lot of others, which I don’t mind. I’m challenged by your forwardness to be more open myself. I could probably use the challenge. Daian sure does like you, too, which is a shining endorsement of your character, in my eyes.
Syd (@tsukacchako): 30%
I don’t know much about you, but I do observe. There’s a level of transparency and a level of total obliqueness, like two sides of one coin. A bit of an enigma, I suppose. …Well, I thought it was fun being kids in Anakt and switching glasses to see how different things looked through one another’s lenses. I think I do that too much these days—I can’t even remember what the world looks like WITHOUT someone’s lenses over my own.
Toon (@nottoonedin): 80%
You show such talent yet seem shy somewhere deep down. It’s easy for me to feel at ease with you, these days, knowing someone so bright is human nonetheless. Presumably human? There aren’t - more androids hanging around, right? Hey, where are you goi—
Vant (@ivanttakethis): 85%
A supportive and consistent presence, you’re a breath of fresh air. A true friend. You always give me the benefit of the doubt even when you shouldn’t.
Zen (@zerostyrant): 55%
Of all the people here, you might be the most frustrating to try and decipher. It feels like you have your own mission, separate from the rest of us. Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it. I hope you’re prepared for the possibility you might not.
I’m terribly sorry if I forgot anyone Aoki’s had interactions with aaaand if our sonas haven’t interacted, feel free to reach out in my inbox, I don’t bite I just procrastinate 😃
#alnst oc#alien stage oc#alnst ocs#alnst fan season#alien stage fan season#alien stage ocs#alnst sonas#alnst sona#alnst sona season#sona season#alnst sona: aoki#alnst oc: aoki
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i think the whole cringe is dead, radical sincerity, depth of genuine emotion, earnest effort, and unironic love thing that tumblr has going on the past few years has transformed my outlook on things and changed me for the better. but it does mean that now the people i know irl will give me strange looks for being too sappy or too poetic or too dedicated or too excited about about something because they're still stuck in their "well i only like this ironically" phase. guess that's their problem tho not mine <3
#like on here i could spontaneously decide to write a poem about life & love & death & the dying peace lily on my parent's porch#and everybody would be like omg love it#or i could write essays analyzing mcrp. or dig up documents from 1910 and 1956 for fanfic research#and everyone is like 🤩#and in real life there's like a 90% chance anybody would just be like. that's good for you....you're a little weird though.....#or i will say something i was thinking about and people will get all cynic on me or something#SORRY for having a writer's/artist's/photographer's brain i guess and seeing the beauty in the world#idk idk so many people i meet irl are allergic to genuine expressions of emotion or artistry#there was a lady i saw on the train once who was reading a densely-written pocket sized planner...from 2013#i think about her sometimes. was that her planner? were those good memories? was she trying to remember something? has it been a kind decade#and when i told my dad he couldn't at all see anything i saw in the moment. he just made jokes about her being crazy#but i liked the moment
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(Apologies in advance for typos.)
^ My original tags on this, but actually, I wanted to expand on my views about this a little bit based on some other collected musings I had about the XHS move (which—now that the dust has settled a bit, is it still going on? I don't even know). I'll preface this by saying that my own XHS has been pretty much spared of the wave of American signups, since my feed is mostly art/tattoos and not so much lifestyle/vlogs.
Mainly, I wanted to dig into that feeling of being "over it", a sentiment I've seen circulated on Tumblr by other Chinese diaspora. I think it's a IYKYK situation in some ways but I wonder if non-Chinese diaspora are precisely aware of why there is a underlying sense of caution and this side-eyeing toward everything going on. (To an extent, I think non-Americans who have to deal with us Americans dominating internet spaces probably also have some insight into this.)
Essentially, after that initial cute "haha" feeling of seeing people jump into a new space and meeting all the new people, for me personally, just from having run this blog for 4 years now, I feel distinctly aware that things could go wrong.
Others have said it better, be it pointing out the infantilising or inherent sinophobia, but there is a slant to that attitude of jumping on a new app and discovering that Chinese people can be funny, that they can be kind, that they are sociable and, in basic terms, "just like you", that leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. Oh, you just realised that? People can argue that it was never possible to connect with Chinese netizens before all they want, but in fact, clearly, it was as easy as downloading an app that's free on U.S app stores. Next, you could say, well, there's cultural exchange happening now, which is better than nothing, so what are you so pissy about! I agree, I'm not saying it's a bad thing that some Americans are finally making some attempt to converse with someone outside of their Western, Anglo internet bubble (even if they did so as in the comfort of what is essentially another bubble, as part of a trend). Obviously there is a net good to a person joining XHS, and my wariness mostly comes down to this sense of "discovery" coming with a feeling that Chinese people are still getting lumped into a monolith. Maybe now the monolith is nice and friendly; now the monolith is cute and funny and helpful.
What happens if the Tiktokers realise that some Chinese people also are more socially conservative, or that there are societal issues that Chinese people still have to work through, which aren't ideal or progressive enough for the Enlightened Americans—then what? I've already seen the answer in smaller doses over the years, so I don't know about others, but this is something that I—maybe—hopefully just cynically—can't help but keep my ears tuned towards: the other shoe dropping. Again, for Chinese diaspora (and no doubt, diaspora of any culture in a similar situation), it's "if you know, you know"; we've seen the fickleness of attitudes. The xenophobia and sinophobia that run rampant in U.S society (and I'm sure other western countries, but I speak as a USian) is well known to us in a way that mainlanders often don't take heed toward. Even if there is a sinophobic backlash over anything that arises online, the brunt of it won't be felt by Chinese netizens but us Chinese diaspora who spend the most time in Anglo internet spaces. So, I'm a bit over it all. I've seen how interest in China can play out—for example, how learning Mandarin or being a fan of cdramas or hanfu hardly frees a person of their sinophobia or from regurgitating xenophobic talking points.
It's nice but naive to think that the majority of the tiktokers playing around on XHS right now, trading memes and basking in the numbers of Chinese social media, will truly self-interrogate all too deeply. If some of them seem to have only just realised that Chinese people are ~so nice~, how Other have they been seeing Chinese diaspora? Is that still the case? Will they necessarily make the same effort to know and listen to Chinese diaspora? (People in cfandom will know the answer).
Again, I think there's an overall positive to all this, especially in this ~political climate~ (altho I doubt the people who need positive interaction with Chinese people the most downloaded XHS lol). I guess I just wanted to add all this because because I feel like my first response was quite vague and on second thought, I figured I might as well try to unravel some of my thoughts and impart them to anyone who maybe had no idea there was this perspective to things. Call me jaded or no fun at parties all you like, but that's literally just how it is.
Lastly, I'll just say that from me scrolling douyin, I've also seen how people in China have reacted to the influx of Americans on XHS, so I can tell you a little bit of the other side. It also corresponds a little with what I'm trying (but maybe failing) to say about Chinese diaspora: the people who have been having as much/equal fun with the convergence of internet spaces have been mainlanders with no general dealings with Americans. In the past week, the bloggers I've seen who've been vocal/warning about Chinese people not bending over backwards to start speaking English all the time, or just following/kissing up to Americans because they're white*, have been Chinese netizens—mainly students—who live/study abroad.
* Yes, obviously there are non-White Americans, but white people are, as ever, uplifted the most by society on the basis of being white. We know this.
how do you feel about so many americans getting on 小红书?
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ngl i’m still worried. like i Do have complete faith in ncuti gatwa but what i Don’t have is much faith at all in rtd’s writing about race
#which id managed to sort of convince myself was maybe#it’s been like 15 years he’s had time to learn better#but the comment Immediately about ‘different colors’ in todays ep#and w the toymakers past.#i’m hoping for the best i really actively am but i’m hesitant#not even writing about race just writing that has anything to do w it#i will never forgive him for martha jones#and my cynicism is saying bringing dt back for three eps and specifically being pretty good about trans people and disabled people#is a good favor investment so he can keep a progressive image and get away w racism#i don’t actually believe that for the record#i’m just worried ncuti gatwa is gonna have to deal with Some Bullshit that’s gonna get blamed on him instead of rtd yk#which is bad for him bc it means a bad working environment and also like. taking the blame for something he didn’t even do#or that if he pushes back on something bad he’ll get branded as difficult to work with etc#anyway. worry once suffer twice or whatever and i think i said all this when the announcements were made#it’s just on my mind again#i want the best for the show and the people making it yk?
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I just think it’s silly that so many people complain about Villain Amaya as “wasted potential” and that “we were robbed” like-
My pals, post canon fan fiction is right there. The desire to free her husband is right there. Either by touching an evil book while being too eager to remember the obsidian oil, or being possessed by contact (ie what she believes is true loves kiss) when trying to reason with him in the dungeon.
We don’t need a rewrite, we can have a continuation. Both can be true. Amaya is a complex character, she can handle it.
#Wish#Queen Amaya#I assume I'm going to get hate for this but like#I know it's not store bought and you have to still make it yourself but also#I'm kind of just tired of seeing a lot of people sh*tting on Wish because it's not the concept art#And I'm kind of over here like how about we love it recognize it has flaws and THEN try to make something new without bashing the OG?#I just love Amaya and she definitely deserves more#but her good character is so interesting and complex#she still knows how to have fun. She still can be sassy or bite.#Like she's still Magnifico's perfect partner you know? and Magnifico isn't perfect?#A truly pure person wouldn't click with Magnifico the way Amaya does...?#I would rather build on Amaya's character than say she can only be good and boring or a villain?#Amaya is so smart yall. I know you can't see it all just on the movie but like she's read every magic book in Magnifico's library#THOUSANDS OF BOOKS.#And knows basic protection spells#She's a devoted leader.#Like.#Idk#She both loves her husband and recognizes that she has to go against him.#She doesn't /turn/ on him. She addresses his flaws and tells him that it's not okay?#She still jokes with him even though she has to put him in time out. She's complex and strong and wise and kind.#And I just hate seeing so many people so quick to just say 'the concept art was better' when like... the idea might be more appealing to yo#But I hate the level of cynicism and pretentiousness I see of people saying their personal ideas of what Wish should be-#-Is better than the piece of media they claim to care about?#Like their personal vision of Wish based exclusively off the concept art is somehow intellectually superior?#And I'm not saying stop doing your rewrites or AU's or anything! Like there's definitely beautiful creativity happening!#I just hate seeing people so negative and like honestly mean. It hurts my heart to see everyone calling Wish garbage?#It's not great but I really really dont think it's as bad as everyone is saying. Like its no like Oppenheimer but it's a children's movie..#Like I personally love the Teens and Amaya#And everyone saying they stink makes me sad... Because they're just great characters?
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niche memes from yours truly once again
#and before anyone wants to say something about had/es/to/wn that has the cardinal sin of a bad hades/persephone iteration#i still think it's good in everything else but yeah#this has it's problems too mind. it's not completely accurate and the portrayal of Athena has me Laughing (cynical)#In all honestly i just dont like the odyssey itself much so i can enjoy something with minor mistakes way more fdjgnd#odysseus is a dipshit and his crew is even worse in the source material already but at least we get an aeolus song a hermes song -#And maybe- MAYBE! Maybe people will remember that Helios fucking exists by the time it's complete!!!#they're starting to remember Selene please... please...#λίγο σεβασμό στο όνομα του πλιζζζ#river rambles
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Something that romance enjoyers have taught me is that romance fiction isn’t meant to be a model for you to emulate, it’s play drama. It’s about problems in the romance, and navigating them, that’s the conflict.
I’m not a romance reader generally, but two of my favorite romances in all of media are Ymir x Historia in Attack on Titan, and Guts x Casca in Berserk. Guts and Casca because they help each other become healthy, sure, in ways I’m not really close to, to be fair.
But Ymir and Historia… They’re not just traumatized and coping, they’re assholes.
To each other
And that’s what makes them compelling. Because they’re young (in terms of life experience), because they’re inexperienced and because they take out their clashing ideals, which are already compelling (whether to be so selfish that you ignore the people around you or to be so selfless you sacrifice yourself? And both of you bitches are awful at it? I digress), ON EACH OTHER, and yet they still find something within each other that makes them want to stay around. And they fucking grow from it.
It’s like finding a shitty story that has something fascinating in it so that you dig through the rough to search out the diamonds, and because people are adaptable and changing, you actually get help each other clean up a bit.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say, from what I see out there, this fiction can get treated like the line between wrestling with differences isn’t distinguishable from codependency. And I mean, I’m no romantic, but I think that sounds a bit cynical? And observably false? (And like… people can compare and contrast real life and fiction… it’s gonna poison their minds just like those damn video games with all them thefting grand’s auto!)
Wouldn’t writing a relationship with no conflict not be a story? Or at least, no longer than one poem about loving your partner? It’s just a vignette isn’t it?
Isn’t it more valuable even, to tell stories about shitty relationships just so some young kid can compare and be like “oh. This isn’t good!” I know Chainsaw Man did that for a few young guys out there, who saw themselves in Denji’s dynamic with Makima and starting thinking about things and making further realizations with this horrifying nightmare as their catalyst. The guys that like Makima? Either they’re getting to explore something safely, or they’re the target audience, who will be reached eventually because in five years after some more life experience they’ll have the idea of her as a story of how that could go.
So yeah. There’s my piece about how this genre should be taken just as seriously and just as lightly as any other genre
writing a relationship. is it healthy? no. but is it hot? oh, absolutely.
i love a good train wreck sometimes
#even if it’s girly#character tropes#shipping dynamics#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writing community#writing#writing memes#creative writing#ao3#attack on titan#berserk#chainsaw man
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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Id say it's more nuance. Like they are two halves of the same whole. The themes show a messy tragedy in the making. The whole "they can make them worse" and general toxity makes for interesting potential. The craving to place the lil guys in angsty situations that break further and further until SOMETHING bleeds
Itbjust depends on the creativity of the person making the content lol
Just some old people with beef
I’m sorry to the anon who asked this originally, but I was going through my inbox for something, and I came across this
And I no longer have any context as to what this was about
My brain is like “…is this about Transformers?”, but this is too old to have been an ask about that, not to mention I don’t really get Transformers asks
Honestly my best guess as to what this could have been was Golden Cheese/Burning Spice or just generally Beast/Ancient related. Some of the other surrounding asks seem to date this around the Burning Spice update, so that would make sense, but I’m not sure why I’d ask about that because I’m pretty sure I’ve made my stance that I don’t really like those ships
Oh wait, it might have been about me wondering why mysticcacao and goldenspice weren’t that popular/generally disliked ships, but shadowvanilla/vanillamilkshake was. I’m remembering now I didn’t really understand that (tbh I still don’t but I don’t really care that much anymore)
#sorry just something that happened while scrolling here#again apologies to the original asker for this#though if that final guess was the answer I have to say#would this not apply to the other ships as well? like the wording is vague enough to apply to literally any of them I think#if this was specifically about shadowvanilla then it kind of shows there’s not much difference#and doesn’t really get at the question of why it specifically is different#I’m just gonna say it’s bc the other two are straight while SV is gay#and Shadow Milk being crazy popular#idk again I don’t really care anymore#and maybe I’ve just become a bit cynical#hmm but I do miss getting asks about my fandom topics#I’ve only gotten a couple on Transformers so far#even if I notice I’m not the best at answering my asks I still at least got a bunch#is it because people cared more about my opinions or I had more meaningful contributions?#is it just because I had been talking about and playing Cookie Run for over a year and thus had cultivated an audience#one that wanted to ask me plenty of questions?#I’m probably not contributing much to the Transformers fandom at all outside of a couple art pieces or meme redraws#maybe it’s just because I’ve become more creatively bankrupt since like July or so#saying whatever comes to mind despite it not meaning much#and I’ve become worse at articulating my thoughts#*sigh*#anyways I’m clogging the tags too much#answers#random stuff
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openly weeping at the idea of someone genuinely hating soul punk.
#like it makes sense obviously that people would. i guess. but i thought most people who didn't like it just didn't like#it because they didn't like patrick all that much or it was too different or they were just upset about fob's hiatus.#like idk i feel like calling patrick's lyricism bad is a little unfair.#like not to compare 2 bad bitches but he's right there. so pete writes comparatively just as cheesy lyrics.#i like that. don't get me wrong. 'cheesy' as a compliment. but like. patrick's lyrics r 2 cheesy 4 u? the fob fan?#like yes he uses a fash buzzphrase in 'dance miserable.' but i am almost certain he didn't think through the implications of it#and 'people never done a good thing' has like. weird liberal ableism in it. but that one was a bonus track and once again reads#very much like something he just. didn't think about very hard. still bad. but it's better than him doing it on purpose.#especially given how much of soul punk actually is actively trying very hard 2 be progressive and the former within the context of the song#reads more as overly cynical than like. actually fash. but he should've phrased it in a non fash-y way. yes.#it reminds me of the 'manifest destiny' line in 'high hopes' by panic actually.#like that's a buzzphrase that they totally didn't think through at all and that's. bad. really bad.#but it's also kinda funny given how liberal democrat these bands and ppl tend to try to come off.#like nobody caught that in 'high hopes?' all those writers in the room and nobody caught that?#was it like a 'maybe someone else will say something' '*crickets*' kinda sitch on that one bc. lol. lmao even.#i hope the white liberal guilt sits with them on that one.#but i digress. soul punk. that's two songs (including one bonus track) with a questionable lyric each.#otherwise both perfectly fine songs.#that being said yeah. sometimes the cynical liberal stuff grates on even me a little at times. like i feel it i really do and i think#patrick makes some important points but it's so bitter. even when he's writing *more about relationships it's just like damn dude.#(*asterisk because everything is political.)#AND I GET WHY. obviously. patrick is just like that a little bit and he was Going Through It. more relevant on truant wave tbh#because i think that mindset works better on soul punk.#i could understand the cynicism maybe tanking somebody's opinion of soul punk but it doesn't really bother me enough to alter my score.#also i understand it's the best song on the album but idk about ppl saying cryptozoology as a single. doesn't totally defeat#the purpose of the song and it would've also been powerful as a single#but it's just such a beautiful Fuck You to have it as a hidden track.#patrick stump#myevilposts
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#will probably delete this later but I needed to get it out somewhere#like I am so goddamn lonely. and it is making me feel LITERALLY as if I'm about to descend into genuine madness#but the PROBLEM is that. in order to not be lonely. you need to find other people. and you need to have reason to believe that those#people will keep wanting and making an effort to communicate with you#and the thing is THE THING. IS. that you cannot control what people do or feel. I have no say in what people think of me.#I have to rely on other people to build new relationships. and that is just not. something that I can do.#it's not something that makes SENSE for me to do anymore. so I try to figure out how to just not want human connection at all#you know maybe if I intentionally isolate myself or grow my cynicism on a regular basis I'll get desensitized to the point#where that's just genuinely not something I want anymore. so then I'm not lonely but I also didn't have to rely on anyone else being#trustworthy and accepting and willing to care about me to get to that point#but. I mean maybe some people can do the denial thing but I can't. I've been trying for years. and that carved-out-hole in my chest#hasn't gotten any better. it hasn't filled up or healed over or gone away. it's just gotten bigger.#but if you're genuinely convinced that you're just built in a way where no one is ever going to really love you...what the fuck do you do?#if connecting with other people is something I want but it's (in my probably-biased estimation) completely inaccessible because I am#an inherently shameful and unpleasant person just by virtue of existing...then I'm just stuck at an impasse. and I'll always be crying#over something I can't logically ever have. why bother pursuing it if I am just going to be rejected or hurt or disparaged or tossed out or#neglected or sidelined or any number of bad outcomes? if that's how pursuing any kind of new interpersonal relationships is going to end#then why bother? the only thing to do would be to learn how to be completely unreliant on other people in any way forever right?#but THAT'S not logistically feasible EITHER and I've already proven that I can't fucking do that so what's left? just always be miserable?#I DON'T WANT TO RESIGN MYSELF TO THAT!!!!#sorry. it's. getting to be late december & around the new year is when it always gets Bad™ so we're just. gonna be like this for a few week#In the Vents#ugh all of this would be better if I still lived near Best Friend™#anyone who gets to live near/with their Person™ PLEASE know how lucky you are and don't take that for granted
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I feel like we need a refresher on Watsonian vs Doylist perspectives in media analysis. When you have a question about a piece of media - about a potential plot hole or error, about a dubious costuming decision, about a character suddenly acting out of character -
A Watsonian answer is one that positions itself within the fictional world.
A Doylist answer is one that positions itself within the real world.
Meaning: if Watson says something that isn't true, one explanation is that Watson made a mistake. Another explanation is that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle made a mistake.
Watsonian explanations are implicitly charitable. You are implicitly buying into the notion that there is a good in-world reason for what you're seeing on screen or on the page. ("The bunny girls in Final Fantasy wear lingerie all the time because they're from a desert culture!")
Doylist explanations are pragmatic. You are acknowledging that the fiction is shaped by real-world forces, like the creators' personal taste, their biases, the pressures they might be under from managers or editors, or the limits of their expertise. ("The bunny girls in Final Fantasy wear lingerie because somebody thought they'd sell more units that way.")
Watsonian explanations tend to be imaginative but naive. Seeking a Watsonian explanation for a problem within a narrative is inherently pleasure-seeking: you don't want your suspension of disbelief to be broken, and you're willing to put in the leg work to prevent it. Looking for a Watsonian answer can make for a fun game! But it can quickly stray into making excuses for lazy or biased storytelling, or cynical and greedy executives.
Doylist explanations are very often accurate, but they're not much fun. They should supersede efforts to provide a Watsonian explanation where actual harm is being done: "This character is being depicted in a racist way because the creators have a racist bias.'" Or: "The lore changed because management fired all of the writers from last season because they didn't want to pay then residuals."
Doylism also runs the risk of becoming trite, when applied to lower stakes discrepancies. Yes, it's possible that this character acted strangely in this episode because this episode had a different writer, but that isn't interesting, and it terminates conversation.
I think a lot of conversations about media would go a lot more smoothly, and everyone would have a lot more fun, if people were just clearer about whether they are looking to engage in Watsonian or Doylist analysis. How many arguments could be prevented by just saying, "No, Doylist you're probably right, but it's more fun to imagine there's a Watsonian reason for this, so that's what I'm doing." Or, "From a Watsonian POV that explanation makes sense, but I'm going with the Doylist view here because the creator's intentions leave a bad taste in my mouth that I can't ignore."
Idk, just keep those terms in your pocket? And if you start to get mad at somebody for their analysis, take a second to see if what they're saying makes more sense from the other side of the Watsonian/Doylist divide.
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How to avoid sharing Social Media Scams in the Wake of a Disaster
The world is full of disasters. It is also full of people who have learned to profit off of disaster. It is an unfortunate fact of life in the modern social media/online environment that in order to avoid spreading scams, you have to make a continuous effort and you have to be cynical.
There are a lot of wonderful, well-meaning people in the world who want to help everyone who asks for it. Unfortunately, those people are easy to scam.
These are some rules to prevent you from either falling victim to scams or from passing scams along to other people.
These are not suggestions, these are not things to take into consideration, the rules listed here are RULES that you need to adopt in order to keep from spreading scams on social media.
Rules:
Never, ever share screenshots of fundraisers or resources that you haven’t verified yourself. If you see a screenshot of, say, the Antelope Valley Fairgrounds Instagram announcing that they will be accepting evacuees with RVs, you go find the Antelope Valley Fairgrounds website, you find the social media linked on their website, and you check that the post you’re seeing actually came from the entity it’s claiming to. Once you have proved that the post actually came from the entity it’s claiming to, double check that entity with a couple of verifiable sources. So, for instance, if I was checking on the Guitar Center Music Foundation I’d check Guitar Center’s website and maybe I’d look for news articles about donations from the foundation. If I was looking up the Antelope Valley Fairgrounds, I’d look for a local newspaper calendar of events that linked to the fairgrounds or would check the city websites in the area and search “fairgrounds” on them. I would not share a link to a social media page for an organization until I was 100% certain that it was actually associated with the organization. You shouldn’t either. If you see a post that claims to come from a specific group but all you have is the screenshot of the post, go find the group’s website and if it all checks out you may share it IF AND ONLY IF you add the link to the post. And if a post has a link already, click through it and STILL check that everything looks okay.
Never give money or information to someone with a free email address. This sucks. I know. But if the group you’re looking at only has a gmail address or a protonmail you have no way of knowing if they’re legitimately associated with the organization at a glance. And even if they ARE associated with the organization, the free email account demonstrates a lack of planning/commitment that has troubling implications for the handling of your money or data.
Do not share screenshots of “resources,” headlines, social media posts, or news articles. I’m done with screenshots. Screenshots are easy to fake and almost always remove context from the discussion. A standalone screenshot isn’t information, it’s a trap to get you to share something without thinking. Do not *trust* screenshots of “resources,” headlines, social media posts, or news articles. Always assume a screenshot is faked unless you have found the original post yourself. A screenshot isn’t a “resource” it is an un-source, it is intentionally removing information from the viewer and we are well past the time when people should have understood that sharing screenshots without a link to the original text in context is never, every trustworthy.
Do not give money or information to accounts without a history. This may mean individual social media accounts, or it may mean a shiny new mutual aid project that popped up near your house. It’s unfortunate that people have their accounts deleted, it’s unfortunate that new orgs have trouble finding support, but the likelihood that a new account is a scam is simply too high to trust your money or information with it. If someone is asking for money or offering help on an account that hasn’t posted for years, or that suddenly changed all its content, or that has only existed for a month with no links to other, older sites and socials, you shouldn’t trust that account.
Okay, those are the RULES. Those are the lines you draw in the sand. The TL;DR version is this:
Don’t share posts you haven’t personally verified
Don’t give money or information to accounts with generic email accounts like gmail
Don’t share or trust screenshots that have no links or further context
Don’t give info or money to brand new accounts
I absolve you of any guilt you have surrounding this. You want to share that post to help a stranger but they have only had an account for a week. You want to spread that resource, but unfortunately it is only available as screenshots of an anonymous instagram account. You think that perhaps that mutual aid group really can help people, but the only way contact them is to put your info into a google form and send an email to their gmail account. That post seems really helpful, but actually you can’t find anything that suggests that the Mt. Pacifico Aquatic Center exists outside of this twitter account. No more guilt! Guilt be gone! You do not have to feel bad for not sharing these things, or not reaching out, or not giving money because doing so would be irresponsible and would put other people at risk of being tricked by scammers or wasting what money they can donate on a potential fraud.
Now, some tips:
Always, always, always take at least ten minutes to think about giving someone money or your information online. Read the post that moved you, then re-read it, then go sit away from it for ten minutes and think about it. There’s a good chance you will still want to give, or sign up, but ten minutes away will give you a chance to consider if there are any red flags in the post that inspired you.
Independently search everything you’re going to share. Go outside of social platforms and check on search engines. Check Wikipedia. Look up the website and send a while clicking around. Go on a *different* social media platform and check their account.
Just straight up search “[SUBJECT] Scam” before you do anything. See if this thing you’re looking at is actually an old scam that’s revamped for a new disaster. See if you can find an explanation of how something might be a scam or risk in a way that you didn’t understand before.
Get used to getting away from social media. Go check websites.
Learn domain name syntax. “musicfoundationguit.arcenter.com” is a bullshit scam. “guitarcenterfounditaon.org” is a bullshit scam. “guitarcenter-foundation.org” is a bullshit scam. The actual domain is “guitarcenterfoundation.org” and the link to the correct page isn’t going to be “guitarcenter.foundationfires.org” it’s going to be “guitarcenterfoundation.org/fires”
Tips for Orgs:
If you do not want your org to look like a scam you are going to have to put some effort into it. Unfortunately this will probably also require at least a little bit of money; I know it’s hard to get money together at the beginning, but it will pay off in the long run.
Invest in a domain and hosted email. You can get relatively inexpensive hosted email through most domain registrars and even if you only get one email address for your domain you can forward it to all the free gmail and protonmail accounts you want. But buy a domain, set up a simple website, and get an info@[yourdomain].com email set up because you don’t want people emailing “[email protected]” because it’s super fucking easy for a 1337 hax0r like me to set up “[email protected]” and scam the people who want to reach out to you.
Make a blog on your actual website, not on a social media site. A blog means that you can make regular posts and establish a history to prove that you are real and you do real stuff; it will also help with SEO and help to ensure that when people search for your org YOU are what comes up. Keeping up calendars of previous activities with links to those activities is also good.
Set up social handles on all the sites you use, make a “socials” page on your website, and link to your handles so that people can verify if you’re the one posting something. If you don’t make it extremely easy to find your socials, that means it’s extremely easy to set up fake accounts claiming to be you. Then put the link to your website in the bio on your socials.
If you are offering something or holding a fundraiser or doing anything on your social media page, link it back to your website. If you have an IG post offering resources, you should include a url for your site in each image. If you share a photo on twitter with the info for a march, that should link back to your website with more info about the march. If you post a fundraiser on tumblr you need to link the fundraising page of your website on that post.
If you absolutely positively cannot set up a website and a real-ass email address, set up a linktree, choose a primary social media to post on that all the others refer back to, and very explicitly state what your email address is and that you do not have other email addresses somewhere that's difficult to miss. Build a history of posts and link to other orgs that you work with or any writeups or stories about your events or projects. The point of all of this is making yourself easy to verify. "[email protected]" sucks but it sucks a lot less if it's in the bio of "@northfulltertonfnb" and that page has a two year history of posting meal share schedules and menus.
In conclusion, don't share things that you haven't personally checked. When in doubt, it is always safer not to share.
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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."
This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.
I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.
Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)
His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:
A) a short lived person
B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.
The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.
But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".
So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.
Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.
The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.
Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.
Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!
Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!
On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.
That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.
The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.
And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.
And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.
Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.
Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.
Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!
I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.
Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!
and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi meta#kabru of utaya#laios touden#labru#laios x kabru#dunmeshi#og post#kabru is such a big picture thinker. and he evaluates people more than he judges them imo#the hater jokes are funny but the people he judges most harshly arent laios and co. they're people like the island's lord.#but you don't see that as clearly because he isn't interested in the island's lord. he understands him. finds him contemptible but useful.#whereas laios lives in his brain rent free because he WANTS to understand him but doesnt quite.#even though he sees the elves as a major threat to his ultimate goals and dislikes the way they treat short lived races#he still understands and evaluates mithrun as an individual based on his own merits#he's one of the characters who is least judgemental in that sense because while he's always making judgements and evaluations#he's also constantly revising them whenever he gets more information#my beautiful machiavellian prince <3#it's genuinely a really laudable way of understanding others imo.#the only problem is that because he's driven towards his goals by his PTSD and survivors guilt#he pushes himself into situations (the dungeon and also interpersonally) that trigger him or even just upset him#without regard for what he authentically wants or his own wellbeing.
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